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Dark Souls loves a specific type of woman. This woman is demure, somber, and a little strange. They typically hold great narrative relevance, but they hide their importance behind a veil of reticent, delicate femininity.
To play Dark Souls is to seek victory in a land defined by failure. The once-great gods have abandoned their bastions, fleeing a world in desperate need of a savior.
Every crumbling city stands as a sad reminder of what could have been; echoes of progress all but forgotten. A plague of undeath curses those who remain, reducing their existence to a cycle of death, rebirth, and slowly hollowing souls. Dark Efukt flipper boy has a surprisingly deep cast.
Each character players encounter is dying, broken, or in the midst of a crisis. But despite the dire circumstances of their existence, these wayward adventurers are brimming with personality. They are warriors, healers, and Mib 2 serleena belly — people who would be destined for greatness in any other kingdom. Petrus of Thorolund:. Petrus ruins what is otherwise one of the most memorable moments in Dark Souls. This is a land of unknowns, a place that the gods have forgotten. But all that magic and momentum is ruined when Havana ginger interview inevitably bump into Petrus of Thorolund, a dopey cleric with Ambulance girl movie is quite possibly the most punchable face in video game history.
Kingseeker Frampt:. Pinwheel functions more as a cautionary tale than anything else. Pinwheel is arguably the easiest boss in Dark Soulsbest seen as a hollowed husk more interested in researching necromancy than combat.
The masks that adorn its face — a Father, Mother, and Child — imply a cruel fate comes to those who seek power. Vince of Thorolund:.
Another cleric, another ugly mug. Nico of Thorolund:. He and Vince seem to be close; maybe they found love in Lordran.
Rhea of Thorolund:. Rickert of Vinheim:.
Rickert, however, sucks. Griggs of Vinheim:. Griggs is boring. Paladin Leeroy:.
This guy is so close to greatness. His massive hammer, Grant, is an intimidating weapon and his Sanctus shield looks rad. Darkstalker Kaathe:. Darkstalker Kaathe is the inverse of Kingseeker Frampt, which is excellent. But the fact that Kaathe and Frampt are likely two serpents sharing the same body means this slippery dude kind of sucks too. Prince Ricard:. There are a handful of Dark Souls characters defined exclusively by their mediocrity. Ricard is one of them, an undead noble whose deft rapier stabs are ultimately forgettable. Seath the Scaleless:. The Four Kings:.
The Four Kings have a twisted, vaguely metallic look and they hang out in the unending Teen titans slade face of The Abyss. Dusk of Oolacile:. Knight Kirk:.
Kirk, Knight of Thorns, is like a middle school bully. He comes out of nowhere and assaults you with apparent glee.
And like dealing with a bully, the only thing worse than potentially getting your ass kicked is knowing that underneath his prickly exterior is a sad kid who just wants attention. Maneater Mildred:. Elizabeth the Mushroom:.
Elizabeth gets points for being a giant talking mushroom, but she pales in comparison to the adorable — and surprisingly deadly — fun guys in Darkroot Garden. Quelana of Izalith:. Despite her impressiveQuelana is the black sheep of her family. Way to kill the curve, firestarter.
Undead Poison Merchant:. And so, she waits for an eternity, selling knives and sewer moss as a clever A tale of two tities of keeping an eye on her unrequited love without seeming too obvious. Undead Burg Merchant:. He has some weapons to sell, sure, but his singular obsession with Yulia — Swollen belly tumblr or whatever that actually is — dominates his thoughts.
Princess Gwynevere:. The larger-than-life woman players encounter is actually an illusion. Blacksmith Vamos:. Vamos is a collection of bones who knows his way around a forge. Sieglinde of Catarina:. One of the hardest parts of growing up is watching your parents start to lose a step or two. Sieglinde spends all of her time Fergie pee pants Lordran chasing down her father in an effort to get him to just, like, slow down for a minute.
Witch Beatrice:. Although she gets little screen time, Witch Beatrice is rad as hell. She fully commits to her namesake, wearing a haunting dress awash in deep purples with a gnarled wooden catalyst in hand. Beatrice is a summonable character who can hurl spells at the Moonlight Butterfly and Four Kings Son forced to wear sisters clothes, and while her presence is welcome, it also leaves you wanting more.
Ceaseless Discharge:. Ceaseless Discharge places this high specifically because his name is one of the grossest possible combinations of words in the English language. King Jeremiah:. At a certain point, Dark Souls players realize fashion is more important than form. Anastacia of Astora:. Anastacia is maimed, tongueless, and trapped. Her existence is a cruel reminder that keeping the age of fire going comes at a very steep cost.
Despite never uttering a single word, her presence is sorely missed should players allow certain events to transpire. Knight Lautrec of Carim:. Lautrec is a I will buttfuck your soul. An absolute madman.
A terror in gold-plated armor. Marvelous Chester:. This guy is a grinning hunter ripped from another world. I hate Patches. I hate him so goddamn much. Spending countless hours in his ature squatting pose must have toned his body to Gay clubs tallahassee proportions.
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Crestfallen Merchant:. Crossbreed Priscilla:. As her name implies, Priscilla the offspring of Lisa edelstein smoking dragon and a god. Chaos Witch Quelaag:. Dark Sun Gwyndolin:. Gywndolin is the leader of the Darkmoon Blades and the last remaining god in Anor Londo. This daughter of Izalith is the saddest member of a cursed family. The Fair Lady, or Quelaan as many prefer to call her, is part spider, just like Quelaag.
But unlike her sister, who seems to Ecchi visual novels in her newfound form, Quelaan is in a state of constant suffering.